A young working professional writes in about a goal he has carried for years: to renovate his family home and give his siblings a decent place to live. He has been putting money aside little by little from his salary.
The obstacle is his mother’s gambling addiction. Month after month, money disappears, debts surface, and groceries run short. More than once, money he had set aside specifically for building materials were used to cover problems caused by her gambling. He has started avoiding her calls on payday because the pattern has become predictable.
Last week he discovered that the money he had left with his brother for building materials had been used to gamble. The argument that followed was painful for both of them. His mother wept and told him that addiction is not a choice. He wept too, because the life he is trying to build keeps getting dismantled by decisions he had no part in making.
Reaching out to The Best T in the City with Tbose, Anonymous wants to know if there are any blind spots he might be missing and whether choosing himself at this point is selfishness or survival.
“Uncle T, I am emotionally exhausted and no longer know if l’m wrong for feeling this way. One of my biggest dreams has always been to fix my family home. The roof leaks, the walls are cracked, and things have been broken for years. Now that I’m working, I’ve been saving little by little to renovate it and give my family a better life.
“The problem is that my mother has a gambling addiction. Every month it’s the same cycle. She spends hours gambling, convinced that one big win will change everything. Instead, there are always debts to settle, groceries run short, or money disappears. More than once, savings I had set aside for building materials ended up being used to cover problems caused by her gambling.
“What hurts is that my mother is not a bad person; her habit turns into one. She sacrificed a lot for us, as a single mother, while we were growing up. But lately, I find myself avoiding her calls on payday because I already know what’s coming. Last week, we had a huge argument after I discovered she had used money I left with my brother for building materials to gamble. She cried and said addiction is not something she chose. I cried because it feels like my future is being held hostage by decisions I didn’t make.
“Now I’m torn. Part of me wants to keep fixing the house because my siblings and I deserve a decent home. Another part of me feels like maybe it’s time to stop looking back and start choosing myself. At what point does a child stop carrying a parent financially when that parent keeps sabotaging every opportunity to improve their life? Should I keep investing in the house for my siblings’ sake,or is this the moment to step back and let my mother face the consequences of her own choices?”
To hear the full Blind Spot, listen to the podcast.
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