Katlego Sekhu
A listener shares that last year, her son mentioned he had met his father’s partner. She was caught off guard.
When his father confirmed he was planning to pay lobola, she found herself having to accept something she had not fully made peace with. A small part of her had still been holding onto hope.
A month later, she and her son had a heated argument. He is 17, and she had been frustrated with his behaviour, staying in his room, coming home late, and not helping around the house.
In the middle of the argument, he told her he preferred talking to his father’s partner because she listens and that broke her.
Reaching out to The Best T in the City with Tbose, Anonymous wants to know how to stay firm as a parent while still creating a space where her son feels heard, and how to carry this hurt without letting it damage the relationship she is trying to rebuild.
“Last year, after the December holidays, my son mentioned he had met his father’s wife-to-be. I was caught off guard–his father later confirmed he was planning to pay lobola. If l’m honest, a small part of me had held onto hope that we might find our way back, so that news forced me to accept that things had truly moved on.
“A month later, my son and I had a heated argument. He’s 17, and I was frustrated with his behaviour-staying in his room, not helping out, coming home late. In the middle of it, he said something that really hurt: “This is why I prefer talking to Auntie.” He meant his father’s partner. He said she listens, she’s patient, and maybe if I approached him like that, I’d understand him better.
“That broke me. Since then, something has shifted. When he goes to his father’s house, I feel a quiet bitterness. I notice how eager and happy he is to go, and it brings back everything he said that day. Part of me is grateful he has someone who treats him well, but another part of me feels replaced.
“Now I’m stuck between love, hurt, and guilt. More than anything, I just want to find a way back to him – to rebuild that space where he feels heard, supported, and comfortable enough to choose me, not out of obligation, but because he truly wants to. I don’t want to compete for my own child’s trust-I just want to rebuild our connection. How do I stay firm as a parent while still creating a space where he feels heard? And how do I deal with this hurt without letting it damage our relationship?”
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